It’s back…that nagging, uncomfortable feeling that keeps me awake. I have no idea from whence it comes, but it reappears all too frequently. Ever have one of those nights? Random thoughts become pervasive and insistent and I toss and turn, switch positions on the bed, turn the television on hoping the white noise will drown out the thoughts, and then turn it off again because it seems that just as I am ready to fall into R.E.M. sleep, some incessant, mindless chatter from the boob tube interrupts the rhythm. True confession: I am an insomniac.
I rationalize. It all stems from the issues I have on my plate. At least that’s what I tell myself. So, I wonder. When all is said and done…when the issues/tasks before me have been settled, will I still be an insomniac? Am I destined to be a “night person” while the rest of the world slumbers? Have I so sufficiently screwed up my body clock that I won’t ever have a “normal” sleep pattern again? I wonder. Of course, that begs the question, what is normal, really? I know other night folks who, to me, seem perfectly “normal.”
I suspect when I have my current issue with my eye and my other health concerns at least diagnosed and on the way to cure, I will rest easier…or not. All things in time, I suppose. I refuse to get fucked by the medical profession again and will take care of everything when I have 2 pennies to settle the deductible, etc. Insurance is a sham and a shame these days, and I doubt that it will get better any time soon. “The Eagle” (AKA the IRS) will dump a significant load some time in February, I reckon, and that will be nice. It’s certainly not enough to retire on, but I will be able to take care of some long overdue obligations and also take care of ME for a change. Maybe I will sleep then, or maybe I should just resign myself to being a night creature, turn off the phones during the day when everyone else is up and about, and block out the world during daylight hours. Nighttime is certainly more peaceful…
***Yawn…***
WW
